Kissing puppies and Sniffing butts.
Since my announcement last month there have been a barrage of questions. Some are concerned that I might not win? I believe I can win. Look at my competition and tell me that we do not need other alternatives? There is an up swell of anti-establishment against the political institutions and what is more anti establishment than a Canine President? Remember I represent the Canine world view which has been sorely neglected in our great country.
Here are the issues that I am running on to make it even better than what we once were in the world!
plank#1 National shovel ready peeing post installed in all Federal parks. Modeled after San Francisco’s peeing post for humans that was erected in one of their city parks. This will be rolled out to national parks, state parks, county parks and city parks. If these posts are not erected, then the Federal Government will with hold park funding until they are brought into compliance with the new peeing post regulations. This program will benefit the urban dogs especially who are heavily discriminated against.
Plank#2 Future federal boundaries will be established by ICE personnel peeing on the borders of the territory. It is better than drawing an arbitrary line on the Earth and running helter skelter saying this is mine, this is mine. Pheromones will inform you that you are approaching a federal border before you even get there.
Plank #3 The hand shake or in many cases the hand shake and wink, that government officials use when agreeing on a solution will be replaced by all parties forming a circle and walking on all fours while sniffing each others buttocks. This will greatly reduce the insincerity of government officials, who have no intentions of following the law or rules, unless they apply to those people who disagree with them.
Plank #4 All voting booths will be on ground level. The current system discriminates against canines because it is design for those only on 2 feet and with opposable thumbs. The electronic screen will be wet nose touch sensitive, so we can mark our choices instead of designing booths that do not accommodate Canines.
Plank #5 There will be a leash law instituted for two legged creatures using our national park system until they prove they can stay on sidewalks and trails. The Parks department spends millions of dollars creating and maintaining trails for humans to enjoy and they still want to wonder off the paths. Once they have been certified by a Federal trainer, they will be allowed to enter the national forests without a leash.
Plank #6 Dogs do not shoot other dogs nor other people. So to greatly reduce the amount of gun shot deaths in our country, I am going to lock up all the bullets. Two legged people just don't get it. They blame the people who make the guns for the violence or the guns for the violence, this is ridiculous. It is the bullets that kill.
Plank #7 National Dental Insurance for all Canines. Obamacare has been such a bust because we needed reform, not a take over. It is like using a howitzer to kill a mosquito. But the real National Crisis is a lack of dental care for Canines. This is the most under reported issue of our day, because it does not involve two legged creatures and they are so self-centered. Dental procedures for Canines are extremely expensive and we need a National Program to deal with this.
Plank #8 It will be illegal to dress up dogs. This is de-caninizing and very humiliating. If dogs were meant to wear clothes, we would use runways for fashion rather than exercise. We will also develop a 12 step program in to address this situation and those that persist will be mandated to participate. There would be forced sterilizations for those who persist in dressing their canines so we would eventually reduce the numbers of people who cannot control these urges. Besides there are too many people in the world and we need some population control. People are like roaches, they are everywhere.
Plank #9 Getting rid of dog tags. This is a form of Taxation with out Representation. There has never been a single incident in our history of Canine's ever voting for creating the dog tag system. I am thinking about having a demonstration at the San Francisco Harbor and throwing bags of dog food into the bay, like the Boston Tea Party.
This my 9-point plan to get America back on the track to World dominance. There has never been a country in the world that has treated Canines on an equal footing. But the time is ripe
Vote from your Hearts, Vote for the real issues, not some sound bite that two legged creatures use. Time is now for a Change I represent Change for a Changing World.
Next month what Abe Lincoln and I have in common